Here are ten top tips for a more manageable and meaningful Christmas season, so you can gift yourself the ability to give to others from a good place.
1. Plan sensory escape routes
Your nervous system needs scheduled breaks, not just when you hit a wall. Designate a safe, quiet zone before any major event. This could be a spare bedroom, the bathroom (if necessary), or even a car. Schedule 10-15 minute breaks every 60–90 minutes to decompress. No explanation is needed—just say, “I’m going to step out for a few minutes,” and retreat to regulate.
2. Implement the 3C’s
The complexity of the holidays is often the hardest part. Reduce it where possible.
- Choice: Limit the number of events/gatherings you commit to.
- Clarity: Ask for a clear agenda or timeline for the day (e.g., dinner at 3, gifts at 5).
- Control: Focus on the one or two elements you can control (e.g., your outfit, your specific dish, or the playlist).
3. Prioritise one-on-one catch-ups
Large group conversations can be exhausting and hard to follow. To engage meaningfully, shrink the interaction size. Instead of trying to participate in a buzzing room, focus on having short, high-quality, one-on-one chats with key family members. Pull a loved one aside to help with a task, look at photos, or share a specific story. This provides deep connection without overwhelming group processing.
4. Prepare your conversation scripts
Social small talk can be draining. Having a few planned topics or exit strategies can significantly reduce anxiety. Write down three safe, shared topics (e.g., a recent trip, a neutral movie, a family memory) and three polite, firm exit lines (e.g., “That’s lovely, I’m going to refresh my drink now,” or “I need to check on the pets/kids/side dish.”).
5. Be comfortable with what you wear
Trying to conform to uncomfortable holiday outfits can add unnecessary sensory stress. Prioritise comfort, texture, and fit. Wear your softest base layer, use seamless socks, or choose clothes that don’t restrict your preferred movements. Use accessories (scarves, jackets) to cover or balance comfort with formality. Your comfort is a non-negotiable tool for managing the day.
6. Delegate or say ‘No’ to unnecessary tasks
Address yours and others’ expectations. Review your to-do list and ask: “Is this necessary, and can someone else, do it?” Don’t be afraid to clearly delegate tasks, or simply say, “I won’t be able to host this year, but I’d love to bring a dessert.” Protect your energy ruthlessly.
7. Use stimming as a coping tool
Stimming (self-stimulating behaviour) is a vital regulation tool. Plan how to use it subtly if needed. Bring discreet, quiet stim tools, such as a textured pendant necklace, a quiet fidget toy in your pocket, or a soft piece of fabric/velvet you can stroke under the table. Do not suppress a rising need to stim, redirect it to a safe, subtle option.
8. Manage lighting and sound
Holiday environments often feature bright, blinking lights, loud music, and overlapping conversations—a recipe for sensory shutdown. Carry discreet noise-reducing earplugs (like filter plugs) to dampen background noise without blocking speech. If possible, position yourself in a room or area with softer lighting (near a lamp, away from the flashing tree lights).
9. Communicate your needs
You don’t need to explain your diagnosis; you only need to state the resulting need. Pre-prepare a simple phrase for your closest, most important family members: “I need quiet time.” You can follow up with, “I’m not upset, just regulating,” if necessary. This self-advocacy allows you to manage the event while your family understands you are just looking after yourself.
10. Grant yourself permission to leave early
The most meaningful engagement is the engagement you can actually sustain. Have a pre-determined departure time that is shared with your key family contact. This eliminates the anxiety of having to make a difficult decision in the moment. Know your limit, hit your social goals, and then celebrate your successful departure. You showed up, you connected meaningfully, and you preserved your energy—that is a huge win!
Be kind to yourself his Christmas – remember that it is not about perfection or endurance. Gift yourself the ability to give to others from a good place.